Feeling Like A Hot Mess? Reset Your Motherhood Mindset!
There is a serious lie going around and it's driving me crazy! Have you ever been told, in the midst of a challenging moment "Welcome to motherhood", as if motherhood equals struggling. I've had enough of this Hot Mess Culture that struggling is cool and the kids are to blame. Let's reset our motherhood mindset! Join me for Part 1 of the No Longer A Hot Mess Of A Mumma Mastermind from our facebook group - The Wholesome Mumma Community. If you aren't part of it yet, we'd love you to join us!
The first thing we really need to deal with is our MINDSET around being a “Hot Mess” and wearing that label.
What is the Hot Mess Mumma all about?
It’s the culture and mindset that struggling in motherhood is where you are meant to be and where you should stay.
It focuses on the chaos and that you are stuck there.
Yes chaos is unavoidable. No you are not stuck.
Because they are stuck in this mindset of the overwhelm and struggles, they then shame anyone who breaks out of it.
“oh look at her, she thinks she’s so great and has it all together”.
Umm no she just rolls with the punches, takes things in her stride and still GETS STUFF DONE
The Hot Mess Mindset gives you this false sense of security and belonging, that you are almost meant to be struggling, you’re meant to be overwhelmed and feeling like you’re stuck. When really the root of this mindset is INSECURITY.
When everything is stripped back, the women who are caught up in this way of thinking are very insecure in who they are and therefore look to blame anything and anyone else - especially the kids, because “it’s all their fault” , “life wasn’t this way before them”.
I want you to think of it this way, anything that doesn’t encourage, uplift and empower you, is toxic!
Ask yourself - what mindset, thinking or beliefs am I holding on to that is making me stay in this Hot Mess Mindset.
SO WHAT IS THE OTHER END OF THIS SPECTRUM THEN?
An ACTION TAKING MUMMA
A SHOW UP AND STILL GET IT DONE MUMMA
It’s important to know that motherhood is not ‘just your identity’. Yes you have children, and you are their mother. But you are not just a mother. Whether you work or not, whether you’re at home with the kids all day every day or they are in care. It doesn’t matter. You are a woman who has purpose and calling and while being a mother may be part of that, it’s in no way the full picture.
This was hard for me to gasp. I always wanted to be a stay at home mum. That was the plan, and then I felt this tugging in me to do more.
When you start to move past being a Hot Mess and do more, it ruffles some feathers. But do it for you, for your family.
An action taking mumma is not living her day in a reactive state and just waiting for the next thing to happen. She’s not looking for things to go wrong.
Rather she’s living proactively, and when things aren’t quite right, she’s able to look at it, figure out a solution and make changes. So she can problem solve.
Do you believe that you are worthy of living in joy, of being happy and being at peace?
Take a moment and think about what is coming up for you when you think about it? Do you deep down really believe it?
Mary mentality of being still on what matters vs Martha mentality of getting it all done and not ever being content.
Yes there is still things that need doing, the washing literally does not end, the next meal needs preparing and so on. But could you be like Mary and choose to sit and be still for a moment and be content with that?
So really think about what your deep beliefs are around this. Even spend time writing your thoughts down.
So once we decide we aren’t going to buy into the Hot Mess anymore and want to be Show Up Get It Done Mummas - how do we support ourselves and this new way of thinking?
“What you put before you is what you focus on, and what you focus on expands.” - John Maxwell
Focus on stilling your mind, practise it. It takes time, you won’t get it straight away. Use mindfulness or meditation apps or youtube videos. Dream of what you want for your life - write it out, speak it out, live it out.
Look at your support network - family and friends. Are they encouraging you and uplifting you? Or maybe they are toxic and themselves are stuck in Hot Mess Mumma Culture.
“But what if they say something”.
What they say is on them. Quite simply, you need to not take it on, let it fall off you.
Remember you are the only one living your life. If they are stuck in HMMC do you want to stay there with them? Because that won’t help you get to where you want to go!
You need to shift your mindset on this. You can’t shift theirs for them. But you can shift yours.
You can of course try to help them, but if they don’t want to change, then you can pull back and find others who are on this journey with you - hello this whole community.
This isn’t about being better than the women who feel that are stuck in the struggle. It’s about helping ourselves so we can help them, and in turn we call become better versions of ourselves.
Don’t live your life ‘performing’ for anyone or trying to get approval from everyone.
Find out the truth about you, what does God say and LIVE IN THAT!
You are loved
You are chosen
You are accepted
You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
You are secure
You are significant
You have a purpose
He is for you
He is with you