Overcome Fear of Rejection and stop playing small

For too long I lived my life according to others. Naturally I’m a peacemaker, but I let people tell me that then meant that I was a “people pleaser” and so I wore that badge, loud and proud. And I lived that way for too long not knowing that it was indeed a lie.

The thing about that though, is people learn that you are a people pleaser and will take advantage of it, whether you know it or not. 

Then I grew, I had an epiphany on a three hour drive home on day, that I was playing small. I told myself and believed it that I was living my life putting other people first, but really I was actually putting others’ opinion of me first. I wasn’t actually being humble like I though, but rather I was being dismissive of who God called me to be.

Talk about a mind blowing moment. I can remember the exact stretch of road I was on when I realised, and it’s a moment I’ll remember forever.

Now I dream big, I live big. I get messy and uncomfortable, a bit too often. 

Has it been easy? Absolutely not. Have I learned hard lessons? Absolutely yes! Probably one of the hardest is losing friendships because they weren’t okay with you stepping up and stepping out. I’ve since realised though, as we grow up, we change and with that change, comes consequences and one for me has been losing friends because I stopped living to their comfort. 

So stop playing yourself small, stop playing small for the comfort of others.

Apart from salvation, this has been the most freeing experience of my life - not living under the weight of others expectations and opinions of me.

So I’ve learnt to say ‘no’ which I hated at the beginning, but now kind of secretly love. I’m also very clear on my boundaries, values and priorities. So if something doesn’t align with my values, if it’s not in my priorities or if it crosses over a boundary - then it’s a clear no from me.

I’m absolutely still learning because often I still do care what people think of me but I’m not going to be untrue to myself and because I don’t want to upset anyone. But I can’t live life bound by the fear of rejection. And really this is what it comes down to. FEAR

Isaiah 43:4 says “you are precious and honoured in my sight.” As I read that verse for the first time, not too long ago, I felt God say, “and if that is my thought towards you, who are you to think differently”, or to believe others who think differently. WOW oh WOW. Let me read that again.

Theodore Roosevelt once said - "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

I love that quote. Don’t place value of the opinion of those who aren’t in the arena with you.

When we hold ourselves in low regard, people feel that, so they will treat you like that. That’s the irony of living life out of this fear of rejection, is that, the moment you step out, you face the rejection you were trying to avoid. You teach people how to value you by showing them how you value yourself.  So you have two choices, play small and really let people walk over you, never take any risks but have less chance of being rejected OR believe in yourself, try things, live and dream big, sure you might be rejected by a few but how much better will YOU be.

You have God’s full acceptance, no matter who you are, so you don’t need to fear other’s rejection. So keep God’s opinion, which remember from the previous episodes, God’s word is the ultimate truth, in the front of your mind.

For me, As long as I am in the will of God, walking in my calling, I know that I don’t have to be worried about man’s opinion. 

Do you believe that God purposefully designed you - physically, intellectually and temperamentally? I do. And I believe that He has given each and every one of us a unique calling, that no one else can do the way He needs us to do. 

So please girl, I’m asking you to start turning up in life as your authentic self, start showing up as you, the real you. Focus on what you have to give to others, what you have to bring, not on what they might think of you. Because honestly, we can’t control what they think any time so don’t stress about pleasing everyone. Someone once told me that people’s reaction is often a mirror into what’s going on inside them. What you’ve said or done has triggered something inside them and that is their responsibility to deal with, not yours. 

It is actually impossible to please every other person, so don’t play small. If your goal in life is that every other person would speak well of you, then you will only look to their opinions for your self-worth. And that is not where your self worth lies. In Proverbs it describes the qualities of a virtuous woman, and one of those is that “she knows

that her merchandise is good.” This isn’t to say that she has pride issues but rather she knows within herself, and is confident in who God has made her to be and called her to do.

It’s time to stop living your life this way, because that’s not really living. And it’s certainly not walking in your purpose and thriving.