Help I feel Like I’m Failing At Motherhood! How To Give Yourself Grace, Even When It’s Falling Apart.

“I am finding with everyone home, I'm overwhelmed with what I'm not getting done. Any mindful advice to be more okay with the failure that it feels to not get things done and the unorganised home I now have”. This was a question asked in The Wholesome Mumma Community and today I wanted to share this with you all too. There's such a call for perfectionism in motherhood but we have to honour our season and give what we can. Sometimes 40% might be the new 100%.

One of the beautiful Mumma’s in The Wholesome Mumma Community asked this question a few weeks ago and since then I’ve had many conversations with other women who are feeling the same way.

“I am finding with everyone home, I’m overwhelmed at home with what I’m not getting done. Any mindful advice to be more okay with the failure that it feels to not get things done and the unorganised home I now have”

The first thing is that it’s not a failure. There seems to be an expectation on mothers to be the glue that holds it all together, in every season. While I would agree to some extent with that comment, there is this level of perfectionism that goes along with it. That no matter what the season, hard or easy, known or unknown, the mother cannot “drop the ball” and let things get out of balance. Now that is one unrealistic expectation!

We also need to be intentional about the words we are speaking out over our circumstances, who could have predicted 2020. You are not failing. And instead of looking at it through the lens of perfectionism, which we all fail constantly, look at it through the lens of what you and your family are actually going through. Then give yourself some grace. Things change, seasons change, and we need to deal with what we have been given not expecting every single day to go in perfect balance. If we have that expectation on ourselves and our husband and kids, then absolutely, it will feel like failing at times.

On a practical note of how to help with the overwhelm at home, having systems and rhythms in place when it comes to cleaning and laundry etc is extremely helpful when it comes to maintaining the home. These are simple habits you create that you can build on to help you get what needs to get done. Eg. Wiping down the bathroom while the kids are in the bath, wiping down the bench while the kettle boils, folding the laundry when you get it off the line and putting it away straight away. Find things that you can do in the pockets of time.

One of the freebies I have for you is a guide to help you figure out what these habits need to be for your family. It’s available in the files section of The Wholesome Mumma Community of Facebook. Join The Group Here.

The other thing you need to do is give yourself grace. Yes, once you were able to spin 5 different plates at once and do it well, but now it feels like you can barely keep a hold of any and it’s all about to crash. What you could give 100% to before and do it well, whilst juggling other things, maybe you can only give 40% now. That’s okay, honour your season.

If you genuinely do feel like it’s all fallen apart, you need to reevaluate what you are currently doing and see if there are some things that you genuinely do need to let go of. What can you delegate? What areas can you ask for help with?

Don’t have the expectation on yourself that you must always have a picture perfect clean home! (hello people still live here and life happens.) This is one I really struggle with because I love how I feel when I have a clean home. I am loving the new habit of cleaning the kitchen of a night time so when I come out in the morning there’s not clutter everywhere. “A cluttered house is the physical manifestation of a cluttered mind”. So if you are feeling stuck, frazzled and overwhelmed - look at the state of your house. Can you do nothing else today but prioritising getting the house back into some kids of order, then you have a clear mind and can press on.

Don’t put the expectation on yourself that life has to keep going the same way, season change and we need to give ourselves grace and our family the grace as well. I said this earlier, but I think it’s important to keep reminding ourselves of this. We don’t expect our kids to go through major transitions or walk through harder seasons without them feeling it a bit, so it is not fair that we don’t give ourselves that allowance and think, just because we’re adults things don’t really affect us.

Don’t put too many things on your to do list each day. If you have a list of 30 things to do today, chances are you won’t get that done and then you will feel like you are reiterating the thought to yourself that it’s not enough, that you’re not enough. Pick two or three things each day. Start with the things that really trigger you if you don’t get done - for me that’s vacuuming the floor. Just do those and anything else that gets done is a bonus. It seems silly but it is actually very helpful for your mindset to do this.

And remember, go easy mumma, not every day is going to go to plan and that’s okay. Honour your season and stay the path.